"Are you gonna die or are you gonna be ok?"

This is a phrase that my dear Heidi uses with her children as they are throwing a temper tantrum. The first time I heard this said out loud I thought, "OMGosh, Really?!" But it was effective. Her oldest child was pitching a tissy fit about something like her little sister started a toy that was in her relative area and she was going to eventually play with it.. (we have all seen it, and we have all watched out children do the same thing.) Heidi looked at her child as the toddler started to cry, and she said "I understand your frustration, but your sister wants to play with that toy. So you can stop crying and go play" and her oldest cried harder "I wanna play wif it!!" and her mother looked at her and said, "Well, I am sorry. So are you going to die? Or are you going to be ok?" At that point I thought "Right, like that will work". But her oldest, sucked in a deep breath, sighed and said "I'm gonna be ok" to which Heidi replied "Ok then, since you are ok, go back and play nicely." And she did! My response to that was "What if she says she is gonna die?" Heidi's response "Then I say, well, can you go die over there because I don't want to have to clean it up. Gets them to go back and play and doesn't give them the negative attention they are asking for." So in reality, this idea is that we don't give the children the attention for throwing a tantrum and give them attention when they are doing something well.

What prompted me to write about this phrase is I was talking to a "friend" who complains about everything and they think that they are the best with no faults. Well, this "friend" found something to complain about, as usual, and was bending the ear of everyone who would listen, when this phrase came to mind. The item that this person was complaining about was extremely small and really didn't matter to the rest of us that she was complaining to. And I thought, how many times do we spend countless hours of the day wasting energy on being angry at things that we really shouldn't be angry about. Now, somethings are worth our frustration, like when your 11 year old back talks you for the umteenth time in a day, or when you are really tired and they know it. Or when you are having problems with money and finances and your husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend goes out and spends money on something that really wasn't needed. I mean the little things like someone cuts you off of the freeway. Really? I know that it is frustrating, but we can't do anything short of hitting them, and then are you really going to get to your destination faster? Or the person in front of you in the Wal-Mart express lane with 23 items when the sign clearly states 20 items or less. The small details that really don't mean anything.

Other times I think of this saying is when I am teaching and the students get their panties in a wad because I tell them to put their books away for a quiz. Really? I think my friend/co-worker and teaching partner Jodi said it best when she looked at them and said "Everyone needs to stand up, right now. Now take one hand, reach behind you and pull your underwear out off your @$$." I walked away from that class thinking, "Jodi is my HERO". I know we can't say that to every classroom (we teach adults, and if you knew those students you would understand), but it is the same idea.

This is another lesson I learned from Heidi about dealing with my child and other peoples children that I have been able to incorporate into my life. Thanks for the phrase, I think my kids will be using this on their kids!

Realization

So, the other day I was sitting around "contemplating my navel" (as Niki so eloquently puts it), and thinking of this blog when I realized that even though Heidi is an amazing friend, I surrounded by a gaggle of girlfriends who are also amazing! I feel so blessed to have all my girlfriends in my life, and I want to allow everyone to feel the love which I have shared. So, periodically I will post a Non-Heidi related post.

Stephanie brings up an interesting point too. If anyone has an amazing story about Heidi or what she has taught you, please let me know, write the entry and email/facebook it to me and I will make sure it gets a posting on here!

email: evuntamed@yahoo.com

facebook: Elanor Sung

Welcome to the First Posting

I will start off by saying that I think Heidi Briscoe is my hero. She is a wonderful wife, mother, family member and friend! Many things she has taught me, and I will eventually post more of these (if people read this).

The thing she taught me this week, is two fold. First she taught me many things about baking (one of which I STILL have one of her 10" round pans) and the other is about friendship. The baking lesson that she inspired, was how to make a cake, and love what I do. This week, I made a cupcake cake which has about 400 mini cupcakes. While making the cupcakes I utilized the many tid-bits of information that she has provided over the couple years that I have known her. So, to make the cupcakes, I used bakery bags (which she showed me how to use) to put the cake batter into the little tiny cups. I also used Wilsons colors to color the icing that went on top of them, and the idea that you make a diagram of what you are making then try and make it.

The other lesson that I learned from her is that friendships can be painful as well as a blessing. Being generous with your friendships allow yourself to grow as a person and that your love can grow as well. I have looked at what she has given me (even just speaking in cakes) and am in total awe of what she has done and who she is. 8 months pregnant she made my wedding and grooms cakes. She has made cake after cake after cake that is just totally amazing! When my sewing machine stops working efficiently she looks at me and say "I can fix that!" When I am in a quandry about how to do something around the house, I call her and ask her advice (doesn't happen much, but when it does, I know who to call). She is the type of friend that gives and gives and gives! And I count myself extremely lucky to call her one of my TRUE girlfriends!

Heidi, I love you and this blog is dedicated to you! (and since I will be working less, I can post about how great you are everytime you make my life that much easier!)