"Are you gonna die or are you gonna be ok?"

This is a phrase that my dear Heidi uses with her children as they are throwing a temper tantrum. The first time I heard this said out loud I thought, "OMGosh, Really?!" But it was effective. Her oldest child was pitching a tissy fit about something like her little sister started a toy that was in her relative area and she was going to eventually play with it.. (we have all seen it, and we have all watched out children do the same thing.) Heidi looked at her child as the toddler started to cry, and she said "I understand your frustration, but your sister wants to play with that toy. So you can stop crying and go play" and her oldest cried harder "I wanna play wif it!!" and her mother looked at her and said, "Well, I am sorry. So are you going to die? Or are you going to be ok?" At that point I thought "Right, like that will work". But her oldest, sucked in a deep breath, sighed and said "I'm gonna be ok" to which Heidi replied "Ok then, since you are ok, go back and play nicely." And she did! My response to that was "What if she says she is gonna die?" Heidi's response "Then I say, well, can you go die over there because I don't want to have to clean it up. Gets them to go back and play and doesn't give them the negative attention they are asking for." So in reality, this idea is that we don't give the children the attention for throwing a tantrum and give them attention when they are doing something well.

What prompted me to write about this phrase is I was talking to a "friend" who complains about everything and they think that they are the best with no faults. Well, this "friend" found something to complain about, as usual, and was bending the ear of everyone who would listen, when this phrase came to mind. The item that this person was complaining about was extremely small and really didn't matter to the rest of us that she was complaining to. And I thought, how many times do we spend countless hours of the day wasting energy on being angry at things that we really shouldn't be angry about. Now, somethings are worth our frustration, like when your 11 year old back talks you for the umteenth time in a day, or when you are really tired and they know it. Or when you are having problems with money and finances and your husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend goes out and spends money on something that really wasn't needed. I mean the little things like someone cuts you off of the freeway. Really? I know that it is frustrating, but we can't do anything short of hitting them, and then are you really going to get to your destination faster? Or the person in front of you in the Wal-Mart express lane with 23 items when the sign clearly states 20 items or less. The small details that really don't mean anything.

Other times I think of this saying is when I am teaching and the students get their panties in a wad because I tell them to put their books away for a quiz. Really? I think my friend/co-worker and teaching partner Jodi said it best when she looked at them and said "Everyone needs to stand up, right now. Now take one hand, reach behind you and pull your underwear out off your @$$." I walked away from that class thinking, "Jodi is my HERO". I know we can't say that to every classroom (we teach adults, and if you knew those students you would understand), but it is the same idea.

This is another lesson I learned from Heidi about dealing with my child and other peoples children that I have been able to incorporate into my life. Thanks for the phrase, I think my kids will be using this on their kids!